Poor Elliot
by Ranowa Hikura
Summary: Our poor, favorite detective gets stuck with our two favorite women when they have mono. Angst/terror ensues. EC/EO/CO  no, no ones cheating, and there's no threesome... GOD JUST READ IT!


Hey people, I was inspired by my brother for this story. He recently contracted mono, which took a little while to diagnose, and the doctor prescribed prednisone. He's been in on it for a little over nine hours and the side affects are driving us all crazy. He went from not eating anything at all to asking me to fix him two servings of soup. And inappropriate happiness? Um, if you saw Foreman and the cop being all crazy in 'Euphoria, Part 1' on House, then you know what I'm talking about. If you didn't, then basically- he's crazy. Because of another one of the side affects is listed as 'loss of contact with reality'. And I seriously believe he's high right now. I'm not sure if you can get high off prednisone, but if you can, then he is. He's laughing and going crazy and he's got the TV up so loud I can hear what the characters are saying from the other side of the house. Which is really annoying because when I had my surgery for my wisdom teeth and they hopped me up on drugs, I came home and tried to work on my chemistry, but when that pleasure was denied, I went to sleep and didn't scare the hell out of the whole house. Which gave me an idea. For a fanfiction. And... DRUM ROLL PLEASE! ...IT'S ONESHOT TIME! ...AGAIN!

Oh, yes, and no I don't own it, and the grammar mistakes in Casey and Olivia's dialogue near the end are on purpose. This is slightly what my brother was talking like J

It had been an entire week after Munch's bet with the ADA and the female detective had caused Casey and Olivia to kiss. The past three days of which had been hell for the both of them. Elliot had got concerned when both his partner and his girlfriend had both called in sick on the same day- well, 'called in sick' was a bit of an exaggeration. Cragen had ordered Elliot to take Olivia home after she had started writing down questions because swallowing had hurt too much and she was barely conscious. After doing so, Elliot had gone over to Casey's office to tell her about Olivia's state when he had found her coughing so hard she could barely speak and was falling asleep at her desk. So, Elliot had driven Casey home as well and put the sick woman in her bed, though he was still worried. After all, both of the women had once come to work with pneumonia, so if they were both taking sick leave at the that same time, that couldn't be good.

_Last week_

Casey and Olivia stared at the outcome of Fin's date in horror- some of it for Fin, but the majority for what they now had to do themselves.

They had bet that Fin would see his girlfriend again, Munch had said they would break up. Of course, Fin's date ending the night with, 'Well, my husband doesn't know that I'm seeing you, so I have to go,' wasn't very good.

Immediately, the women looked at Munch, who was smirking proudly at them. "Oh, god, no," Olivia gasped, looking between Casey and John, horrified. "Fin, I'm so sorry," she said quickly, patting her fellow detective on the back before jumping to her feet and turning to run from the bar, "but I have to go. I'm-"

"Oh, no, no, no, detective," Munch said, pulling her back by her shirt. "You and Casey have some unfinished business, now don't you?"

Casey shook her head immediately, trying to find a way out. "Come on, Munch, did we really have to turn Fin's emotions into a bet? God, I feel so horrible about this whole thing, you now, I should just go home and-"

This time, it was Fin who pulled the ADA back as he said, "Well, I'm not so sure about that, Casey. I mean, seeing you to kiss could really cheer me up."

Casey and Olivia both glared at him before the ADA scoffed, "Men. You guys are all perverts."

Fin and Munch just shrugged, then watched them expectantly. Finally, Casey said to Elliot, "El, I'm so sorry about this. I honestly thought Fin would go on a second date, so I just bet anything."

"Yeah," Olivia added on. "And I promise, I'll never try to steal your girlfriend," she said with a wink.

Elliot hesitated, then nodded his approval. "Go ahead. I know you're both straight. Besides, maybe this could be fun to watch."

The women both groaned theatrically, then leaned in and kissed each other. It wasn't anything special, and they certainly didn't fall to the floor as they pulled each others clothes off in a storm of passion- what the male detectives probably would of preferred- but it did fulfill the terms of the bet.

"There you guys go," Casey said when they pulled apart. "Happy?"

They all nodded firmly. "Yes, very," Munch said.

"Good. Well, I'm leaving for the night. I don't want to get into another drunk bet and end up kissing Cragen or something," Casey said as she pulled on her coat. "Night, you guys."

Olivia also left soon after, leaving the male detectives to their fantasies. Unfortunately, several days later, Elliot visited both his sick partner and girlfriend to check on them, and found that they weren't much better.

_Olivia's apartment_

"Olivia?" Elliot asked as he walked inside hesitantly. He found the detective asleep on the couch, arm draped over the side and the heater on full blast. "Liv?" he asked again as he approached her, not wanting to wake her up but needing to know that she was all right.

Olivia opened one eye and glared at him. "What, El?" she grumbled before closing her eyes and pressing a hand to her forehead with a wince.

"I just stopped by to make sure you were all right..." he said softly, frowning when he saw her reach weakly for a pad of paper and a sharpie.

She scribbled, _I'm fine, now leave me alone._

Elliot frowned, then asked, "Does it hurt to talk?" Olivia just nodded once before rolling slowly over so she wasn't facing him. "Liv," he tried again, "You're really sick, I think I should take you to the doctor."

He knew how much she hated hospitals, so he wasn't surprised when she shook her head again. He hesitated, then said, "Olivia, I'm driving you to see a doctor. There's a walk-in clinic a couple minutes away from here. I'm going to go check in on Casey, and then I'll be back for you."

Olivia didn't even respond to him, which concerned him even more- normally, if he even mentioned driving her to the hospital, she would normally start throwing things at him. Maybe he had made the right decision about the hospital.

But first, to check in on Casey.

_Casey's apartment_

Elliot walked into his girlfriend's living room to find her in pretty much the same state as Olivia- unconscious on the couch. "Casey?" he whispered as he made his way inside. Casey groaned softly and waved him away, turning her head to the side sleepily. "Hey, Case," he said softly as he sat down beside the couch. "How're you feeling?"

She coughed at him, then weakly wrote something down on a legal pad almost hidden by her blanket and threw it at him. He frowned as he read it, then said, "Casey, you are clearly not fine, and I am not going away." He hesitated, realizing how similar Casey's symptoms were to Olivia's, then told her, "Case, Olivia's acting exactly like you and I was going to take her to the doctor after this, I'm bringing you as well. Come on. Up you get," he said, taking her sweaty hand and trying to pull her to hr feet.

Casey shook her head and pounded her fist weakly on his shoulder. "Mmm... No... no hospital," she complained, her eyes still closed.

"Casey," he warned, "either you get up and walk down to the car, or I am going to carry you. Your choice." Since Casey wasn't responding to him, he decided he was going to have to carry her. He picked her up easily, though he was concerned by how light she was- she must not have eaten ever since she had gotten sick. He carried Casey down to the car and put her in the passenger seat, doing her seatbelt for her even as Casey waved her hands at him angrily. He was forced to carry Olivia down too, and he put her in the backseat, strapping her in as well.

After driving them both to the clinic, he had gotten them both on their feet and lead them inside, even though both women glared at him occasionally, and really hoped that whatever they had wasn't contagious. He didn't think that it would be very fun to get sick because he had practically dragged them inside the doctor's office.

"Mono?" he asked in confusion once he had finally gotten a diagnosis from the quick blood cultures. "But... how did they both get mono at the same time?"

The doctor looked at amusement at the two women both leaning on Elliot's shoulders, then said, "Well, it's pretty obvious. The most likely scenario is that they kissed or had sex."

"But, they're both straight, I don't see how- oh." Elliot groaned, then started chuckling. "Oh, they're gonna kill Munch. I can't wait to see this... so, can you give them anything, or are they just going to have to suffer through it for the next few weeks?"

"Well, there's nothing that treats the virus itself, but both of them have swollen tonsils, so I can give them Prednisone for that. It should make them feel alot better."

_The next day_

"Hell, alot better is an understatement," Elliot muttered as he watched the two women walk around his apartment happily. "They're both high as kites."

Casey giggled as she walked over to him. "Hi!" she exclaimed when she saw him, her smile growing wider. "Hehe! You're adorable! Hehe!"

"Hi Elliot! Hi Casey!" Olivia called out as she walked over to the two of them. "I _love _steroids! Hahaha!" Both women laughed again, then Olivia draped an arm around Elliot's shoulders and chuckled, "Hehe, you so crazy, Casey. You takes so long to ask this sweet little boy out and now you won't even kiss him."

At the very mention of being kissed by these mono-infected-monsters, he shot away from the both of them and exclaimed, "Stay away from me, you two. Stay away, I said, stay away!" The two continued to advance on him, giggling and smiling happily, and while he wasn't sure if they were going to kiss him or not, but he didn't want to find out.

"Ellly!" Casey complained as she approached him, "Why won't you kiss me? I'm cute! And attractive! And cute! And... what was I saying?"

"Doesn't matter, Case," Olivia said as they cornered him. "We have him all to ourselves now and we can kiss him all we wants! Or is it want? I don't know, just that we get to kiss her!"

Elliot blinked at them in surprise, wondering why he was being referred to as a 'girl' all of a sudden, then decided it didn't matter and scampered away from the corner. Casey and Olivia still headed after him, laughing all the way. "Come on, El, kiss us!" Olivia called after him, trying to grab his hand and pull him back.

Elliot knew for a fact Casey was completely out of it- she had called him _Elly_, for god's sakes- and Olivia wasn't much better. They probably would kiss him, unaware of the consequences, and give him mono. He struggled to find a way to escape, finally just running to the his bedroom and locking the door. "Aw, Livvy, he locked us out!" he heard Casey complain from the other side of the door.

"Aw, yeah, he did! But we've gotta kiss someone! We've got nothing to do!" Olivia said, and Elliot felt her lean back against the door.

There was a moment of silence, then Casey proposed, "Well... Olivia, we're here. We can kiss each other!"

Elliot was about to burst through the door to stop them when he realized that, if they both had mono, there was no harm in them kissing each other, right? Well, better each other than him.

Olivia said, "Sure!" Then she giggled slightly and continued, "Come on, Casey. Let's go somewheres more private!" Elliot sighed, shaking his head. These girls really were crazy.

Several days later

Once the ADA and detective were finally off the medication and sane again, neither one had any memories of what had happened. They certainly didn't remember trying to kiss Elliot, then kissing each other. Elliot hadn't told the other detectives at work- he seriously doubted they would ever let it go- and decided not to mention it to Casey or Olivia.

Unfortunately for him, their memories were not as impaired as he thought.

After having a very mysterious dream about kissing Casey while she was high on drugs, Olivia had two ideas: it was either a very, _very_ strange dream, or it must have happened while she was taking steroids for the mono. Neither Casey nor Olivia was able to remember exactly what they had done those few days, but it was enough to send Elliot running for cover while whenever they were in the same room together.

Finally, Olivia just asked her one day when she was giving her information for a warrant. "Casey, you don't by chance remember kissing me when you had mono, do you?"

Casey just stared at her for several seconds, then chuckled nervously and said, "Um, depends. Why do you ask?"

Olivia frowned at her reaction and sat down on the edge of her desk as she explained, "Well, I may or may not have had a very strange dream about it, and now I'm sure I remember something about us kissing. Actually, we were chasing Elliot first, but when he abandoned us, we kissed each other."

The ADA froze, then swore under her breath and started tapping her fingers on her desk. "Oh, well, that's just wonderful. I had a dream like that last night too. ...You don't think that we actually..."

"Oh, no! No, no, of course not! We couldn't have, Elliot would of stopped us," Olivia said quickly, trying to reassure both herself and Casey. "He would of stopped us... right?"

Casey shook her head and growled, "Oh yes he would of. You know what he once told me his fantasy was? Two women. Two women that are high. And he gets to watch."

Olivia blinked, momentarily surprised. "Elliot told you that?" she asked incredulously.

"Well, told me, was drunk out of his mind and rambling off random words, whatever floats your boat," Casey said with a shrug. "But still! I know he had something to do with this. Oh, when I get home tonight, I am going to _kill_ that little-"

"Wait, Casey, no need to resort to violence. Yet, that is."

"Okay, you know what, Olivia?" Casey retorted. "I can resort to violence all I want, he's my boyfriend- and, need I remind you, it was _your_ boyfriend who got you sick, and, thus, _me_, so you still owe me a favor, and I think letting me kill your partner will just about cover it."

Olivia groaned, then said, "Okay, are you never going to live that down?"

"No!" Casey exclaimed crossly, glaring at her. "No, I am not- I had to miss almost a week of work! But, if you let me murder Elliot, then I'll forgive you. Actually, he's my boyfriend, I can kill him if I want, you have no say in the matter. But if you want to help, I will allow that."

Olivia smirked and rolled her eyes. "Really, Casey, I doubt you could take my partner. He's the one that throws the tables at perps, remember? Seriously though, I... wait a minute, I think I know how to get him back." Casey raised an eyebrow curiously, and Olivia just nodded, already pulling out her cell phone and starting to dial the number.

SVUSVUSVU

"Detective Stabler! What's this I hear about you taking advantage of Detective Benson and ADA Novak when they were sick with mono?"

Elliot stared up at Cragen, who was glaring at him furiously and holding his phone in a tightly clenched feet. "Um... what?" he asked in confusion, with literally no idea what he was talking about.

"Apparently, you nearly kissed them both? First of all, you could of gotten sick that way as well, and then I'd be down _two_ detectives, not one, and second of all, you do know that two partners dating each other is a direct violation against NYPD policy and could cause an IAB investigation? If you and Olivia were a couple then IAB would have my ass if I had even heard a rumor about it, and..."

Poor Elliot just sat there as Cragen continued raging at him, completely confused and utterly unaware that two women were watching him from across the room, hidden by the shadow of the door.

"Ha!" Casey muttered under her breath, smirking slightly. "I can't believe this actually worked!"

"And you doubted me. Oh, how could you?" Olivia asked, laughing as poor, poor Elliot was forced to sit through Cragen's wrath. By it's end, Olivia and Casey were stifling their giggles so hard they didn't notice Elliot coming up behind them.

"Can I help you something?" he asked, prompting Olivia to jump and Casey to give a muffled scream. They both whirled around in shock, taking several automatic steps backwards.

Casey looked around in a panic, trying to find a way out of it, then just gave up and dashed away to save herself.

"Yeah, thanks alot, Casey!" Olivia called after her, rolling her eyes furiously. "Bitch!" Then she turned to face Elliot, hesitated, then ran for her life too.

"Oh, and another thing!" Elliot turned around at the new voice to find Cragen coming up behind, already back to continuing his rant. Elliot just groaned and leaned back against the wall, preparing himself to hear it all over again. He was going to get Casey and Olivia back for this. He wasn't sure how, since when the two were together, they always seemed to outsmart him, but he would find a way. He was pretty damn tried of always losing to a god damn lawyer and his partner.

"Women," he muttered under his breath, so soft Cragen couldn't hear. "Can't live with them, can't live without them."

dove in love: UPDATE! I POSTED ANOTHER EC FIC SO UPDATE!

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